kittydesade:

crockpotcauldron:

crockpotcauldron:

How come there are so few magical birth control options in fantasy settings?

There is Jewelry Of Contraception, Miscarriage Hex, and Abortion Potion, and that’s it.

But come on, guys, it’s magic. Those are both things we can accomplish in the real world with science.

Why not “as long as this knot remains tied, your pregnancy will not progress any further. The embryo is fine, just frozen in time until you’re ready to become a parent!”

Or “I have turned the baby into a berry. get the father of the baby to eat it, and it’s his problem now”

Or “I’ve hexed your gonads, you won’t have any kids at all ever until you do a favor for a witch, preferably me”

Or “lol, I stole your dick in the middle of the night and put it on my tree with all the other dicks in the village”

Come on, guys, get creative!

man, I was thinking too small. it’s MAGIC, guys

“I have put the baby inside this seed. when you plant the seed, a flower will grow, and your baby will be inside it. your baby might be the size of a mouse, or uh look like a mouse, but hey, we can’t have everything. it can still talk and wear clothes, and those are the important things, right? it’ll save you a ton of cloth over the years, trust me”

“I have sent the baby into the future. the NEXT time either of you has a kid, it will be this baby, regardless of who you have it with. this baby will always be top of the queue until one of you lets it be born.”

“I took your womb, and put it in an eggshell in a duck in a chest in a tree guarded by a dragon at the end of the world. so the next time you get pregnant, it will definitely be on purpose.”

“I turned the baby into a cat. everyone likes kittens, right?”

“the baby isn’t “dead” so much as “turned back into an egg and a splash of jizz.” magic is cool, isn’t it?”

“you will only ever be fertile immediately after you eat turnips. and by immediately, I mean, put a turnip on the nightstand, if you catch my drift.”

“I have donated your fetus to the fetus lottery that witches draw from for infertile couples. it’s, uh, currently in this cauldron. yes this looks like leek and potato soup, but trust me, it’s a fertility potion.”

“here is your baby. a stick. I definitely turned a real human child into a stick, and didn’t give it to the fairies. this stick is for you to keep.”

Sperm cabbage.

cavesalamander:

The more I think about Howl’s Moving Castle, the more in awe I am of Diana Wynne Jones’s ability to have a dozen disparate plots that all mange to tangle up with each other in such a way that gives every character a role and an arc. Every detail in that book is important, every character has their own motivations and goals completely outside of Sophie and Howl. Every time I reread the book, I catch new things – foreshadowing I missed, or a joke I didn’t get before.

It’s a really good thing Studio Ghibli didn’t try to tell the same story in the book, honestly. They wouldn’t have been able to do it justice in the slightest. They managed to make a beautiful movie, but they wouldn’t have if they’d tried to fit the whole book as-is into a movie. I think this may be why the general consensus among book fans seems to be, “the movie was great but the book is AMAZING.”

rcn-weasley:

mjalti:

when they jonas brothers were like “i came from the year 3000..not much has changed but they live underwater..” that was a politically charged remark about climate change and we all ignored it

this is busted erasure